Recently, your mother and I were searching for an answer on Google. Halfway through entering the question, Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top of the list was “How to keep him interested.”
It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy and sexual, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.
And I got angry.
Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”
Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakeable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)
If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you.
Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:
I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.
I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.
I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.
I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.
I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.
I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.
I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.
In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common:
Because in the end, Little One, the only thing you should have to do to “keep him interested” is to be you.
Your eternally interested guy,
As great as our friendship was, it’s part of the past and that’s where it needs to stay. I hate the person you’ve become. You’ve changed who you are to fit in with a crowd that you don’t even belong in and you’re just not nice anymore. You’re cocky, rude and I don’t respect you at all. But no matter how hard I try and how many times I bring it up, I can’t make you grow up. I can’t turn you back into the wonderful man you once were.
That being said, I can’t do this anymore. We may have had different expectations, but the way you’ve been treating me has really been taking a toll on me. I’m physically and mentally unhealthy because of it. And no, I’m not just overreacting. Your immaturity and blatant disregard for my feelings has caused me to start subconsciously developing an eating disorder. Yes, you read that right. An eating disorder. You make me feel so worthless that I don’t even want to eat anymore. So please, if you care about me at all, stay far away from me. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.
But as much as eating disorders hurt, I think what hurts the most is the guilt from letting something so great crash and burn like this. A few months ago, I could have easily pictured you not only attending my wedding, but possibly being in my bridal party. I could have imagined our kids playing together at the park. But now I don’t even know if we’ll take a picture together at graduation. Life as we know it is about change completely, and I would have loved to get experience it all with you by my side. But no, you had to throw it all away to bond with some boys that you probably won’t talk to a year from now.
I hope it hurts you as much as it hurts me that you’re finding out all of this information through my blog. I don’t feel safe opening up to you anymore. I just don’t trust you at all.
So now that you’ve seen this post, please stop reading my blog. Move on. We’re done.
Also, I logged on to your Twitter and unfollowed myself from your account, so you should probably change your password.
You. But really though, I’m open to dating anyone that is willing to pursue me, so if you like me, take me to dinner. (: